Manifesto

Marriage can be hard. Getting out of a bad one, even harder.  But while there are unavoidable challenges, there are also very avoidable pains.   

We need to change how we talk about divorce.

It’s time to stop fostering shame, accept the reality of divorce, and embrace the knowledge and resources available today to restructure our families with compassion, self-compassion and cooperation.  We have far more control than we may realize over our attitude, our actions and the type of legal help we seek. 

Getting divorced is not a license to hate. 

Because we overestimate its evils, we turn on each other and on ourselves.  But we can resist the urge to blame and take positive steps to move forward.

Relationships Can Improve, Post-Marriage. 

Old resentments don’t have to carry over like frequent flier miles from your former fights.  Many people craft positive, more peaceful relationships with a former spouse.  Be open to your former partner’s evolution. As Zsa Zsa Gabor said, “You never really know a man until you’ve divorced him.”                

You Do Not Have to Let the Legal Process Destroy Your Good Intentions. 

We do not have to give in to the old adversarial process of tearing our lives in two.  Some of the newer forms of making it legal, such as mediation and collaborative counsel, allow for the restructuring of a marriage without the destruction of good will. 

Divorce Need Not Be a Disaster for Children.  

Eighty-percent of kids of divorce do well and show no lasting negative affects on their adjustment or well-being, according to decades-long studies from leading family researchers.  You can create a stable, peaceful life in a variety of family structures.

You Can Be a Great Parent, Post-Marriage. 

The research shows that marriage isn’t what matters for children but rather having a loving relationship with parents who aren’t embroiled in conflict, and a decent home life.  Many people say divorce improves their parenting. 

Adopting Principles of Parting  Can Help You Divorce with Dignity. 

Principles are guideposts that help steady us in trying times.  The Seven Principles of Parting can help us all live in line with our ideals, even when scared or angry.  

The Good Divorce Is the Unwritten Story.  

We’ve grown up reading and watching endless iterations of the ideal romance.  But the ideal divorce is an unwritten tale.  Which is great because it means we can write the narrative of the new kind, cooperative divorce now.